Sunday, July 18, 2010

The Importance of Understanding

Sometimes we need a re-evaluation of life. What's important, who's important, why things are the way they are in your life. I've been doing a lot of this recently. Mostly the what part. I've known for a long time who is important in my life, people come and go from this list, but the best one's are always there. Why things are important is pretty consistent as well. Love, desire, passion, interest, caring, faith, need, worry, fear, hatred, all reasons to make something important.

There are always those things that we take for granted in our lives. Air, funny, but true. Air is important because of need. We need air to live, to talk, to sing. Its something that we assume will always be there. What happens when it's gone? Suddenly nothing else seems important. The question then is, does the same go for other things. When you lose a friend, do things seem to disappear? Things that worried you before seem trivial. However, this loss makes you question your other important things. When you lose a friend, or family member, it can make you question God (faith), or make you grow closer to other family members or friends for (fear) of losing them too.

I'm sitting here after a long day of school and work, watching August Rush, questioning again where my understanding of this world really stands. After talking with my parents, my sister, and my grandparents for the better part of an hour it's fair to say that family and friends top my list of most important things in my life. I know that this has not always been true and may not always be true, we all make mistakes, as for now, they are what drives me. They keep me going both emotionally and spiritually when I feel like the walls are caving in.

I've always considered myself to be a Christian, and continue to, however I continue to lack a fuller understanding. I know that there is something out there that I don't understand, I want to feel a closer connection to my faith but I feel that it is harder and harder each and every day. People say that God should be at the top of your list of important figures/things in your life. God is infallible, always right, and people aren't. It's true that people don't always make the right decisions, I'm living proof of that a thousand times over, but there seems to be something comforting in the tangibility of people. The ability to receive a hug from someone when you're feeling down.

Music would have to be third in importance. For the same reason as God, this falls to a lower bracket. It's intangible. While music is always a comfort to me no matter what the circumstance, again it can't reach out to shake your hand. Despite this I am ever impressed with the power that music holds over my emotions and the rest of my life. I constantly find myself downloading more and more music from every genre possible to fit every mood imaginable. I know that when I'm feeling sad I can listen to "What's This?" from the Nightmare Before Christmas soundtrack. When I'm angry I can listen to basically "Bleeding Mascara" by Atreyu. "Southern Belle" by Elliott Smith is a new find, and keeps me in a higher state of happiness. I can reminisce to the sounds of the old No Doubt (Tragic Kingdom days). And look to the long future of such artists as The Foo Fighters, Damien Rice, and Paramore. Basically lets just say that music has more emotional control over me than any other medium, living or inanimate.

Finally school and the things that it brings. There has always been an underlying passion for me to learn new things. Whether this is at school, at church, around a bunch of people playing "I've Never". There is an infinite number of things we can learn about an infinite number of things. School seems to be the place where we are supposed to learn all these things. Or at least a very very small fraction of these things. This acute, but somehow powerful, amount knowledge that we gain from our small, but somehow increasing, amount of time in school gives us all this sense of empowerment. As though we were told upon our exit, "this is all you need to know to succeed in the world, but the real world might be scary so you can come back here and learn more if you want." That was kind of random, but then again, this is just me rambling. Basically what I'm getting at, without getting anywhere near there, is that I enjoy school a lot. I've made a lot of friends through school, learned a lot about the world around me, but most importantly, I've learned a lot about myself.

"If school has taught me anything" is a phrase that I hear in movies with somewhat regularity. Well, for me, if school has taught me anything, it is that there is more to this world than meets the eye, and there is more to me than anyone else can see. The whole point of this re-evaluation of the things i hold dear, was to really understand myself more. By understanding what is important to me, i gain further knowledge about myself. When I go about life, routine turns into boredom, which turns into idleness and then out of nowhere, a year has gone by and I have no idea what happened. There have been many things testing me over the last year, and for a while i became idle. I don't want to be the person who stays the same from high school all the way into adulthood. I know that about myself. I also know that I am more ready to face life's challenges than I was six months ago. And even more so than a year ago. Life will continue to throw things at us, by understanding myself and where i want to go, i figure that once in a while, I might catch something. But now its time for bed, and time to stop this incessant rambling....

I miss the snow. Only went boarding once this winter. : (

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